Thanksgiving

Today was the best thanksgiving that I have ever had. I spent half of it with my husband's family, and half of it at the fire station with my husband and his coworkers. The entire experience was surreal to me. It was as if I could just stop time, and look around me at everything I was thankful for. It started me thinking about the past four months...

Four months ago, I walked out on my husband. We had some disagreements and I (keyword, "I") decided we would be better off if we were not together anymore. Those were the worst four months of my life. The fact that I went from having nice things to having nothing didn't even matter. I was just broken. I was empty, I was angry, I had no outlet. I had no one. I did have lots of people wanting to be with me, but I shot them down. It was like I was looking for him in someone else and I didn't even realize it. They just weren't him, yet I had convinced myself (or tried to convince myself) that I didn't need him. I had divorce papers, but I couldn't bring myself to file them. I have his name tattooed on my back, but I couldn't bring myself to cover it up. I was a mess. I needed him, and I didn't even know it. I heard from friends how upset he was, and the things he said about me, and I was convinced that even if I tried to get him back, he wouldn't want me. I hated myself for what I had done. I kept thinking about the little things: how he held my hand in the car, how we would joke and laugh together. I kept thinking about how happy I was at our wedding. I kept thinking about the family cookouts, about the softball games, about being so proud of my husband knowing he has saved so many lives. I needed him.

Then I got a text. 

So we talked.

After a VERY long heart to heart, we realized that everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. We needed to meet in the middle. After finding out that we each still loved each other, it was an easy decision. Based upon the past four months, our lives are living hell without each other. We need each other. It will take understanding and compromise on both parts, but in the end it is worth it. 

In the beginning, we did get engaged pretty quick. But when you know something, you just know. We compliment each other very well. I may have lost sight of that, and made mistakes, but this entire ordeal has been a learning experience. The money and things don't matter. My husband matters. He needs someone to be there for him just as much as I need him. He needs someone to be there when he gets off of a shift after dragging a burned body out of a car. He needs someone there for him emotionally and physically. He is naturally just a strong person that needs some nurturing at times. I am naturally just a nurturing person that needs a little help to be strong at times.

So, because of all of this living and learning, I have come to a few conclusions. My husband is my life, my love, and my rock. He is my strength, and is behind me no matter what. He holds my hand in the car, and gets a little silly with me at times. He lets me play video games with him, even though I suck at them. He saves lives, and deals with a lot more than any normal human being can handle. He has forgiven me for abandoning him. He has decided he wants me over any other girl that has wanted to be with him. He said I am different. I'm the love of his life. I have been given another chance at love and happiness.....And for that, I am very thankful.

I love my fireman with all my heart, and I will be there for him until the day I die. We both deserve it.